there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
