Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
