I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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