You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
