Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
