Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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