so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
