Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
