I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You don't make any sense
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