I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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