; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize