i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
