Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
