The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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