He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
