apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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