Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Someone signed my nipple.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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