can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
