Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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