JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
