thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
ttyl tear gas
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
