Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
