I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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