I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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