I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
