Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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