I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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