My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize