they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
