now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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