Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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