I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
