i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
