WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Come see our sink grown plant.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
