so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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