Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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