her vagine was all disorganized.
where am i from again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
