Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
