i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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