Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
