Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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