If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Say something about gay babies.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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