im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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