She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
