so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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