He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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