Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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