were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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