i would punch a child for taco bell
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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