I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
