So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
