put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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