what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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