Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
