it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
