I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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