My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
