Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
