I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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