I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
