I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
