It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
