pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
then he tried to convert me to islam
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
