Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
