How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
