I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
