I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
