I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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