in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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