hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
