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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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