she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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