You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
