theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
oh god was she eating orange peels again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
