My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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