You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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