guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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