i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
