walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
