I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize