dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
