winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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