I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Randomize
