Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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