Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
