I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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