i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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