I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
