you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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