She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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