I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
