i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
