I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
