i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
