I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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